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From: "craig ferris" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 07 May 2004 12:35:22 +0100

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No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice."Find a girl just like your mother -- then, she's bound to like her."So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her"."So," asked the friend, "what happened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".

In England nobody under the age of 18 is allowed to drink in a public bar.Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often, but he never took his son, Tom, because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday, Mr. Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time. They drank for half an hour, and then Mr. Thompson said to his son, "Now, Tom, I want to teach you a useful lesson. You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how you know when you've had enough? Well, I'll tell you. Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar? When they seem to have become four, you've had enough and should go home.""But , Dad," said Tom, " I can only see one light at the end of the bar".

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came in and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

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